I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
