Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
