Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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