I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
