I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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