k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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