she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
