Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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