May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
