Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
