It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
