Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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