Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
