Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
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I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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