She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
