Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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