I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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