i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I touched a dick in church today
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
