What did we do last night that was yellow?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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