Having a random hookup so left but love u
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
