This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
