Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
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we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
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I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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