Your dad touched me again.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
