At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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