bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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