I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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