why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
