She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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