You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
