We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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