If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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