Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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