I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
