He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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