it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
