I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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