Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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