My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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