You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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