all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
