Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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