dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
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Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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