I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
