It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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