A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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