then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
