i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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