If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
