My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
