Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
