I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
