i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
