and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
