:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
