I think i peed on brittanys purse
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We left the knife in your bed.
I don't deserve a penis
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
