i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
