I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
