I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
