shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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