Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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