so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
