So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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