I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
wow bdsm is so cute
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
