her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
