Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
