dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
