Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
