New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
