you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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