Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
