Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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