I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
