I've blown a few things in my day
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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