Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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