I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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