Ambien. No doubt about it.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
