it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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