I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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